MMPR // 1.8 “I, Eye Guy” [review]

                We open this episode and it appears as if Billy has cloned himself.   No, wait, he’s just helping some kid with science who also happens to be wearing overalls.  The fact that I didn’t wear overalls in 1993 (or ever) is really making me rethink my status of being a self-proclaimed nerd.

                Moving on, this episode is kind of fun but predictable and, well, it just gives you that go-home happy feel.    Billy’s little friend- let’s call him Billy Jr,- has entered a science fair and they do so because Billy Jr. has designed a virtual reality rollercoaster. 

                This is the first part of the episode that got me stumped.   We have all of the Power Rangers wearing the virtual reality glasses and freaking out scared because they’re riding a simulated rollercoaster.   Kimberley was the worst of the over actors here, but really, they fight the bad guys and do things that are probably ten times as scary, yet this make believe scares them?  I’m trying not to dwell on this too hard.

                So we enter the science fair and there is a guy there I guess is the principal, I don’t know I wasn’t really paying attention, and he says that they have ten minutes to enter their science stuff or they will not be allowed to enter.   I understand being a stickler to the rules and all, but are you telling me that if someone is thirty seconds late but developed a cure for cancer you wouldn’t let them in the science fair?  Come on, man.  Rules are rules, but science really has no rules that cannot be changed when needed.

                Then we enter Spike and Bulk.   I’m going to try and explain this situation as best I can to you without seeming like I’m taking sides, and then I’m going to take sides.   When Spike and Bulk enter, they obviously call names, and then they take some kind of vacuum looking gun from one of the “geeks” and Bulk tells Spike to use it.  Spike points it at  Bulk’s pants, which proceed to disappear, and Bulk is left humiliated in front of everyone at the science fair because he is standing there in his underwear. 

                First off, on a side note in some ways, if this kid (Who doesn’t seem to have a name) invented something that can take the pants off of Bulk, but not his shoes, underwear, skin, etc., then this technology could be harvested and probably could cure cancer amongst most everything else.  Billy Jr. only developed and freaking video game.   Why isn’t this kid with the disappear-gun going to work for NASA?

                And so, after this part leaves you without logic, Bulk and Skull are forced into a “makeover machine” by the female Rangers, and then proceed to come out dressed in drag.  Now some could say that the initial prank backfiring was punishment enough, but no, everyone else wanted to see them take it one step even further.  Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask of you, who are the true bullies?

                As predicted by NO ONE, Billy Jr. gets blamed for all of this (Justice?) and disqualified from the science fair by the guy who wouldn’t let anyone in late.   Billy Jr., Billy and the other Rangers shouldn’t really care because that disappear gun kid should win and that makeover machine is going to be bought up by some fashion person somewhere I can’t reference because I don’t get fashion. 

                This unfortunate turn of events causes Billy Jr. to run away and no joke he is met by a giant eyeball which sucks him up and puts him in one of those spinning things they use to test astronauts.   Eventually, the Power Rangers are told by Zordon where the Eye Guy is, they go fight him, form a Megazord and eventually defeat him by crushing his original eye because that’s his one weakness.   It’s kind of like the Death Star in that way.

                When everyone returns to the science fair, they see everyone else having fun with the rollercoaster game and the mean guy gives Billy Jr. first prize.   And the kid with no name throws away his disappear gun, gives up science and we all are still suffering for it.

                I also watched the time in this episode for some reason, and out of the twenty minutes they spent about twelve of them in school, which seems odd since they then went back to school at the end too.  I mean, are we in this for the Saved by the Bell aspect or Megazords?

MMPR // 1.7 "Big Sisters" [review]

            I feel like I somehow slept through a lot of this episode.  I don’t remember it exactly, but I do remember it enough because of the fact that it seems to the a staple for television shows of this time period and, well, it also is fairly formulaic already even only seven episodes into this season. 

            The female Power Rangers take on a “little sister” for unknown reasons and of course she’s a trouble maker because, you know, she has no dad and a crackhead for a mom… I don’t know, you know how things went back then. 

            So obviously Maria (this little sister) is kidnapped by Rita Repulsa because only the innocence of a child can open some magic treasure chest that has magic eggs in it, umm… Yeah, this even sounds ridiculous as I’m typing it, but wait, it gets worse.

            The Power Rangers must defeat a giant chicken in order to get Maria back.  You know, Maria, this annoying little sister they probably shouldn’t have saved anyway.   I’m pretty sure if you told the agency about the whole situation they’d be cool with her staying with Rita Repulsa.  Geez, the kid needs some structure and stability. 

            But yes, the Rangers really did fight a giant chicken, many years before Peter Griffin ever did.  And after they inevitably rescued Maria, they all had barbeque!  Good night, everybody. 

MMPR // 1.6 "Food Fight" [review]

            “Food Fight” marks the second appearance of the creepy school principal.  This guy seems like he was cast from the sex offenders list.  

            So at school they’re having a sort of party selling different foods to raise money for something that is mentioned but doesn’t really matter now.  (New gym mats?)  For whatever reason, Trini and Billy are at a table with Asian food and Skull and Bulk have that girl back in their gang as well as a new guy, a fourth member if you will.  Pointless banter ensues between the Power Ranger kids and Bulk and Skull, thus we, obviously, end up with a food fight because not only was that highly predictable but it’s the name of the episode.  (AHH!! SPOILERZ!!)

            The principal loses his wig (literally) and kicks everyone out.  At this point in time, it should be noted that Rita Repulsa is sick, but she still manages to send this sort of pig thing to destroy the earth.   This pig- which is basically just a big pig head with arms, legs and a Trojan helmet- has been said to be able to destroy the world because he will eat the earth’s entire supply of food within 48 hours.   48 hours?  Really?  I doubt he could VISIT every place in the world, let alone have time to stop there for a bite.

            After some fighting, the pig ends up back at the school and starts eating all the food from the whatever it is the kids were doing.   I distinctly saw him throw a bowl of salad on the floor and I’m pretty sure that’s food, but whatever.   I know we’re not going to get into technicalities, but does that mean he’s going to eat every living thing basically, because if you got cows and you got grass you can still have hamburgers.   He’s also going to have to eat a lot of seeds and things that those seeds produce.  I don’t think anyone really thought this notion entirely through.

            Anyway, they notice that the pig isn’t eating spicy foods, so they decide to fill him up on spicy foods and he blows up or something.   They go back to the food fight party and Alpha has given them some alien snacks that the principal just seems to love.  

            In our next episode:  The school principal is carrying Alpha’s robot-alien babies!!

MMPR // 1.5 "Different Drum" [review]

            Well, I’ve reached a new high in being disturbed by watching the Power Rangers.  Why couldn’t they understand that people want to see action and not, um, whatever this is at the beginning here?   Billy, who is clearly a dweeboid or whatever, is trying to keep up with Kimberley’s dance class, which we just realized that Kimberley teaches, and he is just very awful at dancing.   So, of course, this leads to Bulk and Skull bragging about their dance moves, and thus Bulk and Zack have a dance off.

            Everyone laughs at Bulk because he can’t dance as well as Zack and, well, my feeling of them being bullied versus being the bullies continues. 

            Rita Repulsa decides to lure the Power Rangers into a trap by using music.  It’s sort of like the whole Pied Piper bit, you know.   And so all these girls are going off and following the music but this one girl can’t figure out why because she’s deaf! 

            Sincere Question:  Why is the deaf girl wearing hearing aids?  Isn’t that like putting glasses on a blind person?

            Anyway, this deaf girl sees everything happen with the other girls getting trapped, so she runs back for help.   When it is determined that no one else can sign, she decides to write down her story and so the guys vow to help, though never saying they are the Power Rangers of course. 

            When the bust goes down, the monsters guarding the girls have all… fallen asleep.   Whoa.  Yeah, I can’t make this stuff up, and unfortunately for Rita Repulsa good help is hard to find.   We get to see the Megazord in this episode before we get all happy at the end and dance, but one thing I don’t understand is how they can assume that the deaf girl doesn’t know now that they’re the Power Rangers.   Again, if she was blind, okay, I’d buy it (not really), but she can’t hear, she’s not stupid.  Clearly she should know what was going on and that these sort of friends of hers are in fact the Power Rangers.

            But hey, it’s not like she’s a character we’ll ever see again, if my history of television watching has done me any favors. 

MMPR // 1.4 "A Pressing Engagement" [review]

            You know how bad guys get a bad rap for explaining their entire evil plan before it hatches?  Yeah, Rita Repulsa does exactly that in the beginning of this episode: divulges her evil plan. Of course since Zordon pretty much always knows what Rita Repulsa is up to somehow, this plan will be doomed from the start.

            So Jason is trying to break Bulk’s bench press record, but at first I got confused and thought it was some kind of international record of some official kind.  I don ‘t think they tell you the weight, but Jason had to do over 1000 reps and he came up short, mainly because he got distracted by all of the other Rangers rather than having them help him.

            Yes, this is the “We need to learn to work together as a team in order to succeed” episode. 

            Somehow (Does it really matter how?) Skull “accidentally” rips off Bulk’s pants and exposes his giant child-like boxers.   In all fairness, Jason is pretty smug about being able to break Bulk’s record.  Where is the sportsmanship, guys?

            To orchestrate her plan she told us about earlier, Rita Repulsa sends putties after Jason and Kimberley, who seem to be handling it fairly well until two monsters show up and distract Jason.  Zordon, being the master time planner, brings all of the rest of the Rangers into the command center, while Jason and Kimberley are being beaten individually.   One of these days, Zordon is going to do some real damage.

            Zordon explains this thing about crystals I really don’t care about, but everyone hears it except for Jason and Kimberley because, you know, they’re out fighting the good fight still.   So Zordon transports these crystals to where Jason is fighting and it just so happens that Jason knows exactly what they are and exactly how to use them.   These crystals spit out the other Power Rangers, so they’re really like some of kind of very small transporter, right?   But hey, here’s a thought:  If Zordon could teleport the Rangers from their eatery/gym to the command center, why didn’t he just use the same technology to send them to Jason’s aide?  Seems like it would have saved a lot of time and plotholes to me.

            So eventually, all of the Power Rangers get together, form the Megazord and defeat the Sphynx and Goldar.  It makes me yearn for a Rita vs. Alpha slap fest for some reason.

            In the end, back at Saved by the Bell, Jason has his friends help him by shouting out encouraging words, replacing the weights with Styrofoam and also helping him buy steroids so he can beat Bulk’s record, thus further crushing the self esteem and pride of young Bulk.  Or, um, teaching him a lesson about being a bully I guess?  When the guy who owns the place (I can never remember his name) brings out a cake, Bulk stumbles and ends up wearing it just like a WWE wedding.  Classic. 

MMPR // 1.3 "Team Work" [review]

Episode 3 “Team Work”

                This episode seems to draw a certain amount of source material from Captain Planet, as it’s all about saving the planet.     We begin with the girls’ quest to shut down a dump site because of all of the pollution it causes.   Skull and Bulk, who are now joined by a silent female, want to rain on the parade because… apparently they like pollution and not being able to breathe?   I don’t know, there is no clear reason here as to why Skull and Bulk align themselves with garbage. 

                And just then, as if it was to be known all along, Rita Repulsa exclaims that she is the reason there is so much pollution on this planet.

                Whoa.

                Whoa.

                Whoa-freaking-whoa.

                You’re not getting off that easy, human race. 

                This would have made much more sense if we saw Bulk and Skull trying to help the girls out because every member of this planet should care, no matter how poorly their characters are written, and what’s more so is that Rita could have made some kind of declaration about how we all live in our own filth and don’t seem to mind it.   I really would have liked this episode to take a little more personal responsibility, have a garbage monster and come away at the end feeling like if the Power Rangers are doing their part to help the environment so can everyone else. 

                Of course that doesn’t happen, but we get a glimpse at our second adult in the series: the principal who is creepy as all get out.   And when the girls ask the guys for help at the dump site, what happens?   They all have excuses as to why they can’t go.   Wow.  Add them to the bad guy roster now.   Zack is the best because he’s going to help Alpha, the lame robot, learn how to dance.   And, no, I only wish I was making this part of the story up. 

                So naturally, the girls get singled out and flooded with putties.   So what do the rest of the Power Rangers do?   Well, once Zordon figures it out, he teleports Billy and Jason to the spaceship, you know, as opposed to just sending all three to the dump site to help the girls with no time to waste. 

                Then- I kid you not- once all the guys are standing around and have figured out that the girls are being beaten by putties, what does the all great and powerful Zordon say?  This is a direct quote I wish I only made up: “There’s no time to lose” – Zordon

                Well, the guys end up going after their own monster anyway, after a bunch of standing around not helping the girls, and somehow the girls manage to fend off all of the putties themselves only to then meet Goldar.  

                Eventually, everyone comes together to fight and the Power Rangers end up fighting a giant minotaur.   When they just can’t seem to get it together, they are taken back to base to be told by Zordon about some power weapons that, you know, would have been helpful from day one, but why not just give them to them now, huh Zordon?

                Megazord.  Power weapons.  Minotaur loses and Rita Repulsa must regroup and try again next episode.

                Oh, and after the minotaur, yes, I have completely forgotten about the environment. 

MMPR // 1.2 "High Five" [review]

Episode 2 “High Five”

                This second episode begins what is, so far, a fairly formulaic strategy in the writing of these episodes.   Something funny starts off the episode with Bulk and Skull.   Rita unleashes putties, which the Power Rangers defeat.   Then Rita unleashes a special baddie (In this episode, it is Bones, a skeleton looking dude) and the Power Rangers are defeated… until they form the Megazord.   This seems like the plot (with slight variations) of nearly every Power Ranger episode.  So for this episode, I am simply going to ask some questions that I feel need answering but are thus far left untouched.

-          Why does Rita Repulsa hate the Power Rangers so much?  Sure, they stand in her way and are aligned with Zordon (Who it is revealed in this episode was put into the time warp by Rita) but she really seems to have this personal rivalry with them, like they killed her parents or something.  What gives?

-          If putties are made like baked goods, why don’t they try baking something that isn’t so much like clay and maybe more of a metal in order to defeat the Power Rangers?  An army of Iron Men would be unstoppable.

-          Why does the time warp look like a mini space shuttle?

-          Why is Alpha such a lame robot?

-          How did Billy “accidentally” create teleporters with earth technology?

-          Why does Bulk always embarrass himself?  Can’t Spike have a turn?

-          If “California Dreams” was like “Saved by the Bell” with a band, why isn’t this more like “Saved by the Bell” with giant fighting robots and kaiju?

-          Why does Billy always wear overalls?

       At the end of the first episode, the Pink Ranger explains how she doesn’t think she can handle being a Power Ranger, only to end with the ‘90’s classic: “NOT!”    In this episode, when Billy creates the communicators/teleporters, she says “This is so ‘90’s!”   I’m certainly hoping she grows out of her stereotypical ‘90’s catchphrase, but I’m not going to cross my fingers.

               
       In this episode, it doesn’t even take the Megazord to defeat Bones, only the normal zords.  I’d say it’s funny, but at 0-2 Rita Repulsa is already looking sad and defeated.

MMPR // 1.1 "Day of the Dumpster" [review]

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers

Season 1 // Episode 1 “Day of the Dumpster”

                This episode begins with some guys in a desert finding this random space object that they say looks like a dumpster, opening it and then letting all the evil out.   Umm… yeah.    I’m pretty sure that there were protocols for such things even back in 1993, where you couldn’t actually touch it until someone with half a brain showed up to take charge.   But yeah, these guys from the beginning should be the real villains or even try to stop Rita Repulsa because, hey, after all, they let her out.

                So Rita Repulsa decides to take over Earth for unexplained reasons (I assume because she’s heavily overacting) and we get a group of teenagers brought aboard a space vessel and told they are the chosen ones.   Okay, so when they were magically teleported from their normal everyday lives onto the space ship, they didn’t seem to care.   Then, a robot appears.   Still not phased.   Then a giant head on a screen appears and explains he’s stuck in a time warp or some such scenario and they’re all just nodding their heads like this is something that happens every day.   Why aren’t any of them freaking out and having heart attacks?

                So we have a battle scene against the putties, and then they have to form the Megazord to face a giant Goldar.   You know, back when he was handing out the dinosaurs for each Power Ranger to summon their power from, I’m surprised no one spoke up and wanted to be a different dinosaur.   Oh well.  I guess I’m the squeaky wheel.

                So in this episode we learned that nothing can affect the 1990’s Gen X teenagers.  Apparently they can literally be sucked up onto a spaceship with real aliens and all that jazz and they just shrug it off.  

                As far as the characters themselves go, there are five.   They all actually wear the colors of the Rangers they are about to become, which is kind of funny, but, hey, little nuances like that seem to be popular in any form of storytelling, right?  

                What bugs me is that when I was a teenager I didn’t have four really close friends.  If I did, I would have clearly been the Billy of the group.  So that leaves me with one girly-girl, one Asian girl, a black dude and the popular karate loving dude to be my clique.   Yeah, that wasn’t happening either when as a teen I only ever remember having one black kid in my entire school.  (And he moved)

                Now we all know that Mighty Morphin Power Rangers is “influenced” by a Japanese show.  But to look at this objectively from the standpoint of someone viewing it for the first time and not really knowing that (Obviously if you know about the Japanese version, you’d know it seemingly goes on forever, so thus this version should work as it has a lot of source material to borrow) The scenes of fighting weren’t that great, but seeing the zords turn into a megazord would probably be the only thing to keep someone’s interest in this show.   Otherwise, the acting is pretty terrible, there isn’t a lot of plot or character development so far (I mean, the kids decide to quit at one point and as a viewer you have to ask yourself why you should care that they do) and quite honestly if I was watching this as a first ever episode I probably wouldn’t go back to it.  Luckily I know that it only gets better from here. 

                In this episode we also learned the three conditions to being a Power Ranger:

1)      You can’t use your powers for personal gain.

2)      Don’t fight unless Rita provokes it.

3)      Never reveal your identities.

                Thus far, number three should be a breeze because aside from Skull and Bulk we have yet to really see anyone else with a speaking part in this show.   They don’t have that sixth, suspicious hanging on friend to try to keep it from.   They don’t even appear to have families.   The world is coming crashing down and everyone thinks it’s a huge earthquake?  No, my mom won’t mind if I’m teleported into a spaceship instead of somewhere accounted for and known to be safe.  

                Number one basically says that these guys are the good guys, but at the same time I’m not really sure what they could do without potentially leaking their identities anyway.  Let’s say Billy wanted to get a sports car, so he morphed and robbed a bank.   Being that he is just a teenager, wouldn’t everyone then be all like, “Hey, Billy, where’d you get the car?”

                The second one of these rules is the most ridiculous of them all.   I know I’m thinking way too much into all of this, but that’s what I do.   Now let’s say, hypothetically, an elderly woman was being beaten and robbed by a gang of thugs.  And all five Power Rangers happened to be walking by to witness it.   Do they stop and ask the thugs if they’re aligned with Rita Repulsa?   When they say no, do the Power Rangers just then say, “Sorry, grandma, we’d love to help, but no Rita means see you later”?

                I understand the idea of not confronting someone and using their powers as self defense, because that’s what karate is in a lot of ways, but at least they could have simply been told not to initiate a fight but still be allowed to protect people from non-Rita related evil. 

                All right.  Onto Episode 2.

Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation Episode 1: "East Meets West Pt. 1" [review]

Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation Episode 1 “East Meets West Pt. 1”

(Originally Aired: 09/12/1997)

(Please Note: For purposes of ease, I will hereby refer to this series as “NT:TNM”, as there will be at least twenty six episode reviews)

                This episode is the first of five parts, which were broadcast over the course of just as many weeks, but one has to think that they were made into five installments much like the G.I. Joe Movie was broken down into five pieces and aired Monday through Friday.  I assume that the creators of NT:TNM saw this show going on long enough to become syndicated and then they would always start the syndicate run over with this sort of movie.

                The episode is kind of basic and at the time might have seemed revolutionary but right now in retrospect really does not.  In 1997, I was probably too cool to watch Ninja Turtles, though I distinctly remember watching pretty much every other series based around them aside from this one.  I stumbled across this via Power Rangers one day when I learned that the Power Rangers and Ninja Turtles crossed over.  (Like whoa!)

                The only other thing I learned about this series that rocked my world was the addition of a fifth turtle and that the fifth was in fact female.    This is something that is really built up in this first episode.  For me, it was a spoiler and so when they revealed at the end of the episode that the fifth turtle is female, it was a “duh” from me, but I imagine at the time, in 1997 pre-social media, it could have come as quite a shock to people.    So just for fun, I’m going to look at this episode objectively, as if I never knew that this was going to be the big reveal, just so I can try to relive what viewers experienced some sixteen years ago.

                The episode opened with a cloaked figure talking to her ninja master guy, who is human.  They cut back to them occasionally, as they have this special magic mirror deal like the witch from Snow White.   On the turtle front… all is pretty much the same.  The turtles love pizza and all four of them still have the same traits they have always been best known for having.

                The opening scene with the turtles themselves features silhouettes of Leonardo and Raphael arguing, which leads to Raph storming off.   it’s no coincidence that this is the only live action based series for the TMNT, yet it begins much like the first live action TMNT movie because Raph is the outsider.   Is it too much to ask, just once, to see a TMNT show or movie begin with Donatello graduating college or Mikey coming out of rehab from partying too hard?

                So, Raph goes off on his own, on a motorcycle, finds a bunch of the Foot Clan, fights them, Splinter comes to help and then all the other turtles also show up to help.   By the end of the episode though, the turtles (Well, mainly Michelangelo) manage to lead the Foot back to their super secret underground lair, which leads to a massive brawl on their home front. 

                As the four turtles plus Splinter seem to be in the most trouble ever, it is revealed in the final scene of the episode that the fifth turtle must go help them and the fifth turtle is female.   Had I not known this going in, I would have been quite excited about the reveal at the end because it feels like a huge payoff for having to sit through an episode that, to be fair, we’ve sat through many times before.   Just when you’re ready to write this series off as being too close to the movie, they throw in a curveball like this. 

                You also have to wonder (And I still can because I’ve only seen this episode thus far) how this female turtle will play into the equation.  All of the turtles still have their roles:  Raph is the jaded loner type, Leo is the leader, Don is the smart geek gadget guy and Mikey is the fun loving party guy.   So where will this new turtle fit in with them?  She can’t simply be the “female one” because what would that imply?  She is a ninja, so I don’t really see her doing all of the cooking and the cleaning.   She’s not human, so she won’t take on April O’Neil’s role.  

                The turtle dynamic has never had a female counterpart before.   Sure, Power Rangers can have at least two girls in their line up at once, but the turtles are quite different.   So I am quite eager to see where they go with this and would like to assume- at this point in time- that the series was only produced for twenty six episodes not because of quality but rather due to production costs being so high.   That’s the attitude I’m going in with now at least, though I honestly have no idea why the show got cancelled, I just know it has a finite number of episodes obviously.